December 2011
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In 2011 I learned:
I can’t take myself seriously, but I sure try. My hands are often tied. I can’t let a situation beyond my control rule my life. I have to be open. I have been very closed off at times. There are many different kinds of love. Love from far away is still love. Lust should not be confused with love. Tumblr is rife with lust. Tumblr is also full of love. I see it every day. Sharing is...
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poop in the trach hole
My son woke up today, covered in poop, all the way up to his trach hole. I’m not kidding. He had excrement in the hole in his neck. This is what short gut syndrome plus continuous pump feeds plus ventilator means. It means we hook him up to an overnight feed which increases the chances of him having to poop overnight or first thing in the morning. And it means he gets wicked overly full and...
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Things I'm still going to do in 2012
• Listen to music, search for new stuff I like, and revisit the classics • Post crap about my life here • Think about nakedness • Clean the cat boxes • Floss • Write, draw, make playlists, entertain myself • Talk to you • Think about you • Do push ups • Think about you while doing push ups • Play with my kids • Wonder where the hell the time is going • Drink beer, maybe even brew some • Play video...
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SST STMs
You have no idea how beautiful you are. That is one kickin’ rack. You emphasize parts of you, which are lovely, but I love your face the most. I have beard envy. I have pec envy. I have ab envy. Where do you even put that thing? Don’t answer that. You have the sweetest face. Your lips, your eyes, your hair. I’m dead. I see you in my dreams a lot. You need a hug. A hug from you...
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I don't know how I'm going to be able to work...
My neighbors are home, the guys I grew up with, and they just invited me and my brother to an old school, outside, throwback to our childhood game of three-on-three. I’m okay on the outside, but on the inside, I’m a boiling mass of liquid hot magma. Must. Work. Must. Not. Think. About. Basketball. This is going to be hard.
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My wife's great-grandmother died last night
She was 97. She lived by herself up until two months ago. Then she had a stroke and could no longer do things on her own, like chop wood for her fireplace and cook all her own meals. She moved into an assisted living center just after Halloween, right after my brother-in-law, her great-grandson, died. Then on Christmas Day, she suffered internal bleeding in her stomach which led to her inability...
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I have to learn to stop accepting pets as gifts
We had fish for the longest time because our neighbors moved to Tennessee and didn’t want to transport their tank. I can’t blame them, but I ended up with their fish. We have a bunny because a friend of mine from high school had triplets and one of the three kids went through something similar to my son and he wanted to extend the rabbit as a gesture of goodwill. You know, like they...
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We went to see The Muppets last night
In the cheap seats. And boy, were they cheap. Five bucks got us all in. Tuesday is Dollar Night. I had to miss dinner so we could get there in time. If I’d known we were going to the movies, I wouldn’t have eaten so much from The Giant Popcorn Tin of Three Flavors at work. But I did. So I just got a coffee. Everyone else got popcorn. My daughters got bottled water. They wanted soda but...
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My truth today, in presents:
• The best gift I got was tickets to see The Black Keys and Arctic Monkeys together in concert in March. • The worst gift I got was a Smurf t-shirt that I’m going to have trouble wearing, even ironically. • I got a lot of socks. I love socks. I honestly asked for them. I went upstairs this morning to put my new socks away and found an unopened package of the exact same socks from last year....
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My daughters got a set of five Monster High dolls...
I set them up on the coffee table on their own stands and made sure they were all doing something sassy with their hair and their hands. I found all the little pieces and accessories that came with them and put the sunglasses and purses and outfits in the right places. I spent half on hour getting everything perfect. Then one of my cats jumped up on the table and knocked them all over and the...
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one less tube
Fin has been so mobile lately that this has become our motto. It’s one thing to get tangled up in the oxygen tubing or the food pump line or any of the electrical cords leading to these machines but Fin has been crawling up a storm and getting himself wound up in all of them. As soon has his bolus feeds, the hour and a half long scheduled “meals” he gets four times a day, are...
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Midnight tooth loss
Meant scrounging for change in the middle of the night.
Santa, Tooth Fairy, space it out better next time.
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A coworker brought my son a gift, gets out a pen...
“What’s your son’s name?” “Phineas.” “All right. That’s Finneas.” “Nope, Ph.” “All right, Phinneas.” “No, only one n.” “All right, Phinnean.” “Close enough.”
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Never trust anyone who won’t admit to stumbling fantastically through this world.
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I want to tell you all my Christmas traditions
but I sort of missed that party and it seems lame to me-too it, but this is a slow Friday on a Christmas Eve Eve so, screw it. And I’ll tell it from the point of view of my parents’ two Siamese cats, Amos and Andy, because they hate people, especially little kids, so much that I’ve literally never seen them. I hear they hide in the basement. Amos: What’s that sound? Andy: I...
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Friday feels like
I might have accidentally signed up for Spotify premium. Whoops. We won’t be sending out Christmas cards until after Christmas this year. This health crisis has taken first place. The night nurse will be helping us wrap presents tonight. We will watch Scrooged and drink coffee or cocoa or hot toddies or something. This might mean the night nurse does most of the wrapping. I’m really...
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the doctor said
a whole lot of nothing.
Jane, get me off this crazy thing.
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she's going to the doctor again
They want to see her this afternoon. I don’t know what it is, but it’s definitely not nothing. I’m freaking out.
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She went to the doctor
He didn’t do much. Actually, he cut her ibuprofen dose, said it was too much. He thinks her pain is a combination of things. Some tests were run, and now we wait. Thank you all for your good vibes. You are appreciated more than I can say.
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priorities
I spend my days at a job I love, thinking about what I want to post on tumblr. My wife spends her days trying to keep my son alive and the family fed and clothed and in the black. If I’m unable to work, the flow of money stops. If she is unable to work, everything stops. Now she has to go to the doctor because she is in sudden, constant debilitating pain. All her joints, all the time. I had...
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black ice
I went outside in the freezing rain and tried to shoot hoops anyway. What a stupid move. The court was iced over. I could have used a pair of skates. The net was frozen. When the ball went through, it didn’t move. When it hit the ground, it left little disturbed ice craters on the ground. I’m lucky I didn’t fall and break my neck. My hands are ice cubes. I feel dumb. I thought...
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Five songs I never skip
1. Trust Us - Captain Beefheart My all-time favorite song. It takes me on a trip with it, every single time. 2. So. Central Rain (I’m Sorry) - R.E.M. My favorite R.E.M. song. When this comes on, I’m standing outside in the rain, pining for a long lost love. 3. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel I can’t think of a time I heard this song that I didn’t enjoy it. 4. Under The Milky...
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Today marks the anniversary of one of my best...
They got married in ‘97 in Philadelphia and I was the best man. So I piled into a car with his three brothers and all our girlfriends and we drove to Philly. I didn’t really know his bride-to-be that well, and I still don’t, but he was happy and they were young and that was all that mattered. We arrived that first night, and there was the awkward meeting of family and folks...
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I'm so proud of my little brother
He’s the girls varsity coach at a local high school. His team is undefeated so far this year. Yesterday, he took his team to the high school we attended. They were also undefeated. It had all the makings of a classic matchup, hometown boy makes good, feel good story. My brother’s team won, 68 to 29. I’m so proud. Especially since the high school where he coaches is more of a...
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According to E: Jen needs our help. NOW. →
bunnkwio:
By now you all know what has been happening at home with our dear friend Jen. Well, her surroundings have gone from being frustrating to truly UNSAFE.
She needs to move. NOW. Seriously, we’re talking a week here.
The problem is that she does not have the funds to pick up and…
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A coworker stopped me to say:
“You don’t have to worry about anyone seeing your prick in this cold.” True, true. The situation in which I would be naked outside and in danger of anyone wandering over and questioning the nature of shrinkage never occurred to me, but I suppose it’s true nonetheless.
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More stuff about me
• I did not wash my hair today. • I’m wearing the same pants I wore yesterday. • I brought a lunch, but I have to run into town during my lunch break, so I’m pretty sure that means I’ll be eating at Wendy’s again. • My wife is sore all over her entire body and was this close to calling an oncologist to say “I must have bone cancer” until she realized she had to...
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and you and you and you and maybe me
Another post that has stuck with me is one from Jess. Now, she is beautiful, smart, and popular here, for good reason. She’s pretty, nice, and easy to get along with. If she presents an opposing opinion, she backs it up with good evidence, and if you don’t agree with her, you have to at least respect her stance. This is good debate, when you don’t tear someone down just to prove...
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I want you to show me the way
Some of your posts stick with me and I think about them for hours, if not days, later. There was Cullen’s post a while ago about being a deeply flawed human being. Now, I don’t view him as deeply flawed. I understand how he feels. I think we can be our own worst critics. But I know there are things about me that need work. My biggest battle is with reaction. I often don’t do or...