June 2011
120 posts
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My driver's side front tire is low on air
and I feel like taking aside every single person I work with and telling them this small fact before they come up to me and tell me first. Preemptive attack. The company is just small enough that I can do this before one person’s business is everyone’s business. I dreaded pulling into the parking lot this morning because I know what’s coming. I actually thought about parking next...
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I just bought a 24 pack of AAA batteries
I told the clerk, “My wife runs on batteries. I gotta have these.” He said, “Hey, buddy, you don’t have to tell me.” I said, “No, she has an insulin pump.” “Sure, man. Whatever,” he said. It’s true! I just saved her life with these batteries. I wonder what he was thinking.
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I don't like going into a convenience store and...
Stale coffee. Gas fumes. Fried food. Grease. Oil. Day-old donuts. Cigarette smoke. Gum. Dirt. Sweat. Pickled things. Hot dogs. Mildew. It stays in your clothes and your hair. It’s very inconvenient.
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Jerk post
Last night, we got together with my brother and his family for the first time since they got back from Florida. As usual, it was a blast. We grilled chicken, had cold beverages, the kids got in the pool, everything was going great. Until my wife handed me the baby and we were all playing DJ on iTunes and it was my turn to pick a song and the two oldest kids jumped in and I got mad and yelled,...
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Here, you will find:
A lover of music. Of all kinds. A father of three; two beautiful daughters, and one amazing, challenged son. A lot of talk about hospitalization, respiratory distress, and health problems. A Little Lebowski Urban Achiever (and proud we are of all of them). A husband of a woman with diabetes, which pretty much means I have diabetes. A carnivore. A lone wolf, at heart. A fool for the nostalgia of my...
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Tender Tuesday thoughts
• Someone said “I’m stepping out” so I had to play Joe Jackson. I swear, my job over the years has turned from serious professional to office DJ. I have no problem with this. • I ate a bag of dry Life cereal at my desk for breakfast. When I stood up to go the bathroom a half an hour later, a whole bunch of cereal fell off my shirt, you know, like a four-year-old. • I was just...
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WatchFor the tongue thing. My first video!
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On Facebook, you're friends with everybody, right?
I mean, everybody finds you, eventually. You can’t escape it. I would like to present a Monday list of people I’ve run across on Facebook who I know exist in the real world but I am not friends with, for one reason or another. • The guy who works in the video game store. We have several mutual friends, but I just can’t do it. • My college girlfriend. And her entire family. •...
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“How many copies of the same thing do I need?! Where do they think I live, Privet...”
– Me, after opening inter-office mail and finding the same thing for the third straight day and thus proving my total geekiness, once again.
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There's nothing like running out of oxygen 20...
There’s more to the story but I’m not going to tell it. Those highlights pretty much sum it all up. Everyone’s fine. Hopefully, today will be more normal. I would like to thank all the kind souls who got out of my way when they saw me coming. And I’d like to slap all the idiots who pulled in front of me and threw on their own four-ways. Appreciated, but I knew what I was...
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yes, yes, and another yes
My father called me.
“If I give you money to take yourself out to lunch tomorrow, will you accept it?”
Dad, I couldn’t possibly take this charitable donation. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Of course I’ll take it.
Local publisher stops by work.
“Do you want to make some extra money?”
Hmmm, lemme think. Sure.
Night nurse calls.
“They...
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Oh, right, so last night was bath night
I don’t know why we even bathe the kids in the summer. It’s not like they’re going to school. I can’t convince my wife to let them have the whole season off. They go swimming a lot, that should count for something. Maybe take a bath sometime in August, right before they go off to school. Makes sense to me. Anyway, so I let the girls have a bath instead of their usual...
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Day off blues
Whenever I call in, I feel guilty. I hate telling whoever answers the phone that I won’t be there, even if I have a good reason. I hate telling my boss directly even more. I feel like I’m failing the company. Sometimes I can hear the disappointment in his voice. Sometimes I hear something worse, the cheerful “we got it covered!” tone. This is troublesome to me. If...
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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and I hopped on the express train to Idiotsville.
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When I was in college, a student disappeared
and nobody could find him. Search parties looked and looked. His father came up and stayed on campus while everyone searched the area. Eventually, when spring came, his body was found in a snowbank behind a bar in the woods. He drank a few beers, went out to take a leak in a snowstorm, got lost, stripped off his clothes because of the effects of hypothermia, and passed out and died. His father...
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I sneeze, therefore I can't write a song
because there’s just no way I can recreate something like that, no matter how good it sounds.
This probably won’t make any sense to anyone.
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addendum
glitterbubbles said: psh, five cups of coffee may be too many for YOU, but for some of us, it is less than our minimum daily caffeine intake. xoxoxoxo littlerunnergurl said: ...
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Trueful
Five cups of coffee is too many. When I drop the soap in the shower, I immediately think, “don’t drop the soap!” which is ridiculous on so many levels. I’m not sure how I feel about bananas anymore. I missed the memo on the music meme so I just post whatever I want. I’ve lost the plot. Obligatory fifth point.
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A Song of Hope: See? I feel better already. →
myfinestdefenses:
Types of Anger
Frustration is the feeling we get when our efforts are thwarted. It can be mild or strong, short-lived or virtually lifelong.
Irritation is annoyance, impatience or slight anger.
Indignation is anger aroused by something thought to be unjust. It is often regarded as an…
I think I’m going to get this tattooed on me somewhere.
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Miserable Monday
It’s slow in sales It’s lonely in marketing It’s freezing in accounting It’s hot in the warehouse It smells like popcorn in the kitchen and it smells like fish in the stairwell. Also, someone may have been crying in the bathroom. The floor is soaked. At least, I hope someone was crying. Can I go home now?
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three couples + two Bens = one crazy night
Invited out after work. First time in a long time that some of the old, original crew got to grab a drink together. A lot has changed. Of the two party starters who always got us drunk and crazy, only one made it out and one went home because she was “too tired”. The other brought her new husband, the third since I’ve known her. One of the store managers showed up with his wife...
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T.M.I.F.
I think the flagger guy who stops me in construction near my house every day is really good looking. He looks a lot like Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords. It makes me wonder what he’s really like outside of work. It also makes me think of why I’m checking out a dude. And then I think about how I don’t see a lot of women in the construction worker field. And then I...
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kforkatabolic said: Knowing your relationship with your brother, I’m sure you’ve talked to him about this, yes? I’m sorry, Ben. I know you guys will work this out (emotion-wise) but at the moment, it sucks, I know. ((HUGS))
My brother is my best friend. There’s no...
